Bouncing Back: A Positive Attitude Solves Problems

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Punching the Clown

One Christmas when I was very young I got a fun little toy; at least fun for a young boy. It was an inflatable clown with a rounded, weighted base. Once you blew him up he stood tall. He had the nice red nose sticking out and you could aim for it and basically box the clown. Punch him and he is bouncing back and you can punch him again. Of course, you always won. Or did you?

The amazing thing about that clown was that no matter how many times or how hard I hit him, he kept bouncing back up immediately. Punch him right on the nose, and he rolls right back up so I can hit him again. Kick him with a nice 7 year old karate kick and he bounced back. Nothing short of deflating him totally would keep him down. Even then, you would simply fill him back up and he was ready to go again. Got a leak? No problem, patch him up, blow him up, and he is ready to go. He just didn’t know that he should stay down. He just kept bouncing back.

Bouncing Back from Problems

It is inevitable. Problems will come along. Things rarely go as planned. You think you are in line for a promotion, you get laid off. You think you are making progress financially and the house needs a major repair.

In the last five years, we have dealt with issues like everyone else. Layoffs, a child with Borderline Personality Disorder who has run away from home repeatedly, lots of medical issues which ran up expenses, a very down year for my business, and more recently the federal government shutdown which put my wife on furlough meaning no income.

We could sit and cry about our problems. No one would really blame us. But it doesn’t solve anything. I like to be solution oriented. This is where a positive attitude comes in. I don’t believe in defeat, just delay. I am not down unless I think I am. I will keep bouncing back as long as I can. The positive attitude allows us to think clearly about solutions instead of dwelling on problems. A positive attitude keeps us outwardly focused instead of inwardly focused, avoiding having a pity party. You have to have faith in your ability to keep bouncing back and finding solutions to your problems. Norman Vincent Peale mentions that achieving your potential requires that faith when he said,

“Believe it is possible to solve your problem. Tremendous things happen to the believer. So believe the answer will come. It will.”

So a positive attitude actually helps us to keep bouncing back from our problems. In fact, there is research to support that. In an article in Entrepreneur Magazine, they cite research done at the University of North Carolina that determined that positive emotions “expand awareness and attention” which makes you more open to possible solutions than negative thinking will.

Open up your mind to possibilities. Believe they are there and like the inflatable clown, keep bouncing back up!

Action Plan

Focus your mind on positive, affirming thoughts. Encourage yourself that you can keep bouncing back, that you WILL find solutions, that nothing will keep you down. Don’t move on to the next step until you have reached a positive outlook.
Now think of one main thing that is threatening to bring you down? Focus on that. Spend 15 minutes of uninterrupted time brainstorming possible solutions. If this issue involves your spouse or significant other, include them. The rules are:
1. No more than 15 minutes – anything that will come will flow within that time span
2. No interruptions – no phone, no texting, nothing
3. No discussion or commentary – whatever ideas come out go down on paper no matter how impossible or silly or stupid they sound. Write them down.
Now that you have a list of possible s0lutions, discuss them. Pare down to top 5 possibles.
Take the top 5 and determine two more likely options.
Determine which one to try first.
Invoke that solution today.

Why Feelin’ Like It Won’t Get You a Positive Attitude

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Results from a Positive Attitude

The biggest challenge with seeing the benefits of a positive attitude is where the rubber meets the road as they used to say. I know plenty of people who collect positive quotes, listen to recordings, post affirmations around the room, and then sit back and wait for wonderful things to happen. And nothing does.

Why? After all, we’ve been talking about the benefits of a positive attitude so why is it that some don’t really see the results of that. There are several reasons why it may not work.

They don’t really believe it.

Lots of people will adopt a practice of a positive attitude with the outlook of “well, I don’t really go for this kind of junk.” They “tried” it because someone kept insisting they should or they read about it somewhere and so they try it just for the sake of being able to say, “I tried it and it doesn’t work!” This is actually very common for a lot of things. People seek more confirmation of the negative than they do the positive.

There is no real magic in the words themselves, so posting it up or listening to it or even saying it without really internalizing it will be, for the most part, a waste of time. That’s why when you read affirmations to yourself, it is critically important that you read them with emotion in your voice. It is the emotion that cues the subconscious to accept what you are saying. Without commitment behind the words, they are just meaningless words with no impact.

They haven’t really defined what they want to happen

Okay, so we have been working on building and maintaining a positive attitude and we wait for things to happen and….nothing. Well, what did you want to happen? Something? Anything? How do you know it didn’t? I listened to a talk by John Earl Shoaff the other day and he emphasized this. People come up with dreams and goals but they aren’t very specific. “I want a Mercedes. ” Okay, I have a old, beat-up 1955 Mercedes, you want that? “No, I want a new Mercedes!” Okay, you didn’t say that before. You have to detail what you want if you expect it to happen.

They are waiting to feel ready to act.

This is probably the biggest one. People work under the mistaken belief actions come from thoughts. Think good things and good things will happen and then you can start to action. Be positive and you will then become motivated and then take action.

The Lie of Feelin’ Like It

Nothing can be farther from the truth! Sometimes you will be motivated and take action on that motivation. The majority of the time, however, you will not feel very motivated. We talked about the enemy of resistance before and here is another place where it will raise it’s ugly head ready to take you down. Resistance will come up with all kinds of reasons not to act, including the dreaded “I’m waiting to feel (ready) (motivated) (inspired) before I begin. Fill in the word of your choice.

But it’s actions that need to come first. Tony Robbins speaks of the importance of action in truly committing us to the goal:

“A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”

Go ahead and take a step and then another. Once you accomplish something, then you will feel motivated, creative, inspired, and ready to do more. Action is the resistance killer. Action is muse that allows us to dream bigger dreams and set sky high goals. Action is the driver behind having a real positive attitude.

Don’t wait. ACT! You can do this, you know you can!

Action Plan

What one thing have you put off waiting for inspiration or motivation? What one action can you take NOW to step in that direction? Do it NOW!
Keep taking actions until you see an accomplished result. How do you feel now? Motivated? Good. Now go dream big dreams!

Why a Positive Attitude is Hard: Negative People

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A Negative People Morning

I don’t usually do this, but this morning I turned on the TV first thing and turned to the news. What we were looking for was anything about the federal budget and possible government shutdown. My wife, Sherry, works for the federal government and would likely be taking a break for a while if the government shuts down. While she would eventually get paid, if it goes for any length of time that is income we don’t have.

On Facebook and other social media, where there never seems to be an end to the political experts anxious to share their opinions with you, there have been all kinds of commentary about this event and most of it negative. It’s unavoidable as we live in a negative world.

Don’t Let Negative People Define You

But you and I, we are positive people. We believe in keeping a positive attitude. And in this negative world, even having a positive attitude can have a bad rap. Over the years, I have read and listened to plenty of Norman Vincent Peale and many others who remind us and equip us to have a positive attitude in everything we do. The negative clans are quick to attack this attitude as a head in the sand approach, or a Pollyanna ^note outlook on life, or looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. According to them, we fail to face the realities of life; or at least reality as defined by them.

In truth, having a positive attitude is none of these things. We don’t hide our heads hoping bad things will just go away. We don’t ignore the challenges of this world or government shutdowns or bad economies or falling job markets. We simply refuse to let them define our lives; we stay true to who we are, what we are, and whose we are. Maintaining a positive attitude doesn’t mean we ignore the world; quite the contrary. We see the world and we intend to change it! And we start with ourselves!

Our biggest battle will be the negative people who surround us. Make no mistake about it, NEGATIVE PEOPLE SUCK! They just suck the life right out of you and your hopes and dreams. And they will hammer their message at you continually trying to break you down until you think like they do. You have heard that misery loves company? Believe it! They want you on their side.

Don’t be Anakan, be Luke! Refuse to cross over to the dark side!

Getting Away from the Influence of Negative People

So how to do we avoid letting negative people impact our lives? Ultimately, it’s going to rely on your will and desire to stay positive, but here’s a few things that will help.

Stop watching the news! I mentioned at the beginning that I almost never turn on the TV news in the morning. It’s not that I am trying to ignore what’s happening in the world, it’s just that I don’t see the need to fill my mind with the full-force negativity of broadcast news.
When a negative thinker starts to share their downer philosophy of life, don’t agree with them. At the time, it will seem like the quickest and easiest way to get ride of them, but it’s not. As soon as you agree with them, they think they have an ally and will be coming to you more often.
Don’t argue with a negative thinker; you can’t win. If you disagree, they want to engage in an argument and come up with more reasons why you should believe they way they do. Negative doesn’t give up that easy.
Don’t minimize their complaints either. If you minimize it, they will simply try to come up with more reasons why they are right.
Be sympathetic to what they are saying, but try to re-direct them more to the task at hand.
Always be on a deadline. “I understand how you are feeling, it must be frustrating. Please excuse me, I need to focus on this project right now because I gotta have it done by the end of the day.” The more that you can do that, the more leverage it gives you to excuse yourself away from those situations.
Seek affirmations. That negative input is going to impact you so you need to seek positive affirmations that are going to help build up your positive thoughts again so you can stay focused on your goals.

Action Plan

Starting tonight, read or listen to something positive just before you go to bed. Ideally, a self-affirmation script is key because it plants positive thoughts into the subconscious that burned in while you sleep. It also gets anything negative off your mind before you put you head on the pillow.
Starting tomorrow, read or listen to something positive immediately after you wake up. Don’t turn on the TV; at least not yet. Motivational recordings or books, or simply look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are going to have a great day, that you will overcome any obstacles that get in your way, that you will love and care for your family and friends, that you will take care of all your big rocks on the day and add value to everyone you meet.
Avoid the negative thinkers by focusing on the task at hand. ALWAYS have something to do that requires your immediate attention.

P.S. While people use the term Pollyanna negatively, as if to assert that being optimistic and looking for the good is wrong, I have never had an issue with this. Call me a Pollyanna, I embrace it gladly!

Does a Positive Attitude Really Matter?

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Positive Attitude = Positive Results

Zig Ziglar warns about “stinkin’ thinkin’” and “hardening of the attitude“. Norman Vincent Peale refers to “empty hearts and empty minds” who take on a defeatist position. Tony Robbins cautions you to avoid seeing the garden as overrun by “weeds“. John Maxwell, Ken Blanchard, and the list goes on, all talk about the overwhelming difference that attitude can make. More importantly, they speak to how a negative attitude yields nothing but negative results.

positive thinking gets better results

Conversely, to the person they will also tell you that a positive attitude leads to more positive results. Zig Ziglar says

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will”

And from Peale,

“Change your thoughts and you change your world!”

Tony Robbins:

“We will act consistently with our view of ourselves, whether that view is accurate or not.”

John Maxwell:

“People may hear your words but they feel your attitude.”

Positive Attitude = Riches?

Does a positive attitude make you rich overnight? No, of course not! The idea behind having a positive attitude isn’t to change your fortunes instantly but to change you instantly and consistently. When you become consistent in your attitude, it will play out in your actions. It has to, you can’t help it. It has to do with what psychologists call “Cognitive Dissonance“.

In simple terms, it means that you cannot think one way and act in an opposite manner on a consistent basis.

The mind can’t handle it and therefore will either change your thoughts or change your actions to bring consistency. If you think positively and act negatively (which would include not acting at all), then your mind will adjust one or the other. In most cases, your mind will side with your actions. So while we always point out that our actions speak louder to others than our words do, the same is true within us. What you do speaks louder to your mind that what you say.

Does that mean that we should stop talking positive until we start acting positive? Not at all! Because while our actions have more influence with our mind, our words have influence with our mind as well AND with our actions. So even if we take positive actions but continue to think and talk negatively, it will start to affect our actions. They will become less positive and less powerful and once again our mind will brings things back to consistency.

So the real secret in the power of being positive is to combine BOTH positive thoughts and positive actions. They influence one another and influence our mind as well. When we are consistent in both thought and action this way, our mind can be more powerful. Instead of having to sort through the inconsistencies of our thoughts and actions, the mind can spend time on other things like true creative thought and dreaming big dreams.

I’ll be writing all this week about positive thinking. I invite you to share your thoughts, experiences, and even positive quotes that are meaningful to you. Share what you know so we ALL can be more positive and more effective.

Change to positive thinking

Action Plan

For at least the next 30 days, read or listen to something positive each day FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. Studies have shown that what first enters our mind on the day has incredible influence over our day.
What is one thing you have wanted to do but have not begun yet? Write in down in detail on a piece of paper or on your computer or tablet.
What one positive action can you take TODAY to begin? It doesn’t have to be a big action, it just has to be positive and move you closer to the objective. Make a point not to go to bed tonight without doing that.

Do We Understand Leaders?

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Expectations on Leaders

I attended an author’s briefing today for a new book called The Work of Leaders. It was written by a team of four authors and one of them, Julie Straw, presented the briefing. Lots of great information but one thing she presented near the beginning got my attention and got me thinking and so I wanted to share it with you.

In the briefing, Julie shared some insight into a lot of the research they did in support of the book. What caught my attention was a survey they did on employees asking about the shortcomings on their leaders. They distilled it down and came up with three primary issues that people have with their leaders. They are, in order,

they want them to be more active about finding new opportunities for the team
they want them to focus more on improving process and making things easier for people
they want them to spend more time motivating and encouraging their followers

What struck me about this was the comments themselves. Certainly number three is a quality that leaders should embrace. In fact, a leader should spend the vast majority of their time encouraging people, equipping people, and motivating them to become better than they are. But the other two items, #1 and #2, are not really leadership issues; they are management issues.

Managers or Leaders

One of the things this tells us is that many people put management and leadership in the same bundle. When people say that the leader should be more active about finding new opportunities for the team and focus more on improving process, they are really saying that these are behaviors they would like to see in their managers that obviously they aren’t seeing.

Remember the simple formula:

managers are about process, leaders are about people.

So seeking new opportunities and improving process, making life easier for employees; those are the job of the manager. Equipping, empowering, encouraging, motivating, and growing are the roles of the leader.

That said, to be a truly effective manager you must also be an effective leader. In fact, perhaps what the results of the survey really tell us is that people would like to see their managers both be more proactive in their management roles but also would like to see them be better leaders than they are.

Leaders are Grown

I mentioned earlier that leaders have a responsibility to grow their followers; it’s an enormous responsibility. But for a leader to grow others, they must first grow themselves. You cannot give what you don’t have to give. I think leaders are recognizing this more and more. One of the other survey results cited in the book The Work of Leaders is what people think they need the most in order to be better equipped for the jobs. What was number one?

Leadership Training

The challenge is that we can’t just throw a band aid on it. Offering one training course, or sending someone to a conference, or giving them a book to read will not make them anymore of an effective leader than sitting in a boat makes you a good sailor.

Leaders Sail the Waters Daily

While sitting in the boat you are surrounded by the tools you need to sail, but you must first gain knowledge about sailing. You must spend time developing and applying the skills to sail; knowing how to gauge the wind, navigate the water, determine the course, and bring all elements in line with moving in the desired direction on the water. You must know how to trim the sails, handle the helm, coordinate the crew, and change direction to as the sea and wind changes to keep yourself on course. You must be mentored by a more experienced sailor. You must learn from your mistakes on the water. And you must do all of this day in and day out to become the sailor you were meant to be.

If you are not engaged on a DAILY basis in developing your leadership skills, the growth necessary to become an excellent leader will simply not occur or will be haphazard and slow at best. Leadership growth occurs best when it is

Daily – you must do something every day to develop your skills
Intentional – you must have a plan for the skills you need to develop and how you will develop them
Scheduled – you must set aside time on your calendar for it; otherwise any excuse will help you avoid it
Guided – Someone needs to help you see and navigate the process; like a coach or mentor
Progressive – build on a skill one by one; don’t attempt to master anything in a day

Spend as much (if not more time) on developing yourself and your people. When you do, you will be surprised to find how many of the other process-oriented problems will take care of themselves.

Not sure how to start, why not call me for a complimentary consultation.

Action Plan

Identify three skills you need to develop further. Remember to work from a position of strength and not weakness; in other words, identify your three strongest skills and seek to make them better.
Pick the one you want to start on. Locate resources to help you develop that skill and secure them.
Set aside time on your calendar DAILY to work on it. It should be the same time every day. Guard it ruthlessly; let nothing short of a client need or spurting blood interrupt it.
Keep me posted on how your are doing. I want to hear your success stories.