Why is Your Dream an Orphan?

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Dream, Wherefore Art Thou?

Where are you, RIGHT NOW, in the pursuit of your dream? You know, that thing you always kept in the back of your mind; the thing that would make a difference in the world and change things for the better and you would be recognized for the unique contribution you made. Where is it?

If you are able to talk precisely about where you are with your dream; you are living it or pursuing it actively, then you are commendably one of the few. For far too many, that dream is something that has sunk into the back recesses of their mind, either abandoned completely or placed into the bin marked “SOMEDAY”. The dream has become a lonely orphan, waiting for a forever place to fit in to your life.

Why? What causes people to abandon the dreams they had to make an impact and settle for a life being defined by others? They will send back a bad meal at a restaurant in a heartbeat, but accept in the rest of their lives whatever anyone else is willing to dish up. They trade impact and influence for a false sense of security and cubicle with no view. Why do they make their dream an orphan?

I have noticed several things to push people to abandon their dreams:

Others have discouraged or disparaged their dream. The world is full of people who have settled for less and want to make sure you do too. They will go out of their way to try to crush the dream and the dreamer, to instill feelings of inadequacy, to detail the reasons why they will never make it. They have accepted it for themselves and it makes them feel insecure or insignificant if you opt for something more.
They take failure to heart. For some, failure is a be all and end all. To them, failing even once means you should never try again. This condition especially can occur in those who are outwardly focused. Extraverts tend to be more sensitive to the thoughts and impressions of others around them. Being a high extravert, I fight this battle with myself every day.
It was never their dream. Some people have dreams planted in their minds by others. You should be a doctor. You should be a lawyer. You should be an accountant. Somebody else planted a lofty goal in their mind, but it wasn’t their choice so it never really takes hold, even if they once claimed it was their dream. Notice, by the way, nobody ever says you should be a garbageman or food service worker or pig farmer, despite the critical role those people have in our lives often on a daily basis.
Mediocrity becomes an accepted way of life. We are just like everyone else. The flaw in that logic is that we AREN”T like everyone else. Author Max Lucado says

You aren’t an accident. You weren’t mass produced. You aren’t an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the Earth by the Master Craftsman.

Reunite with Your Dream

Adopt that dream again! You were not meant to be like anyone else and you certainly weren’t designed to be what anyone else says you should be!

Take that dream back out, dust it off, and re-examine it. Forget everything else for the moment; forget the how, forget probabilities and possibilities, forget logistics. Is this still your dream? Is it really YOUR dream? Then start right now to move towards it. Tomorrow is not guaranteed! You deserve a life of significance and accomplishment! Refuse to settle for anything else. When someone tries to serve you up that meal of mediocrity, send it back! Demand the meal that satisfies!

It’s your dream and your life; why not live it today? No excuses!

Action Plan

Get out a sheet of paper. Think about the dream you want to keep. Do not analyze the dream right now. Don’t rationalize or evaluate. Just write that dream down at the top of the paper. Write it out in detail, every facet of what you are visualizing in your mind when you think of that dream. What are you doing? Who are you serving? Where are you? What do you look like? Is your family with you? What are they doing? Every last bit of the vivid picture in your mind. Write it down!
Now write down below that specific steps to work towards that dream. What reality do you have to create to make that dream come true? Again, don’t think about arguments against it, just think about steps to move towards it.
Set the list aside and review it daily for five to seven days, then take it out and read it through and see how you feel about it. Does it still appeal to you? Does it create a strong sense of desire in you? If not, it’s not your real dream. Toss it out and write another. If it is, set a deadline for that first step.

Why You Should Ignore the Dream Killers

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A Dream for Life

Where we go and what we do in life is designed to be driven by our dreams. So we begin dreaming at an early age about who and what we want to be. It changes from time to time, depending on the influences in our lives, but it also each change molds and shapes us into the person we are designed to be.

Disney’s Dream Wasn’t Folly

Walt Disney was always an artist. He had a passion for drawing and he would draw anytime he could; first little sketches from family members and then drawings he would sell to friends and others. Deep within him was this dream of creating animated feature films.

The problem was, no one wanted full-length animated feature films. He made lots of short cartoons that became extremely popular, such as Laugh-O-Grams, The Alice Comedies, Oswald Rabbit, and little animations for local businesses. Over this time, he tried and failed several times to have a successful animation venture. Even Steamboat Willie, the debut of Mickey Mouse, was actually a short featurette.

Walt kept re-iterating his desire to create full-length animated feature films. His business advisors and friends were all against it. Other industry colleagues derided him. In fact, they called it “Disney’s Folly”. This kept on right up until 1937, when Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs released and grossed $1.6 billion. So much for Disney’s Folly.

All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.

Walt Disney

Following My Own Dream Path

I was not as lucky as Disney. It wasn’t until halfway through college that I found my passion. I was working my way through college at Walt Disney World and for a while I was “Jungle Paul” on the famous Jungle Cruise ride. “Welcome aboard, thrill seekers and danger lovers!”

I performed well on this attraction and they made me a trainer for the ride. I would typically work with trainees for several days, teaching them to work the ride, memorize the spiel, and deliver it effectively. That’s where the passion struck! I found myself making supplemental teaching aids to enhance the manual and help my trainees learn faster. I worked hard with energy and excitement; nothing made me happier than a trainee successfully completing a trip and passing the test.

Now I knew: this was my dream! I wanted to help others be inspired and learn and grow and perform well. That was what really drove me! I didn’t want to be president of Disney, or a corporate giant, or a lawyer. I wanted to help adults learn and perform.

But the road wasn’t that easy. I was told that the way to become a trainer was to beccome an expert on something and then maybe a company will make me a trainer. I didn’t want to do that. I decided on my own route. I had lots of ups and downs, lots of failure. Plenty of people telling me I couldn’t do it my way. I refused to be stopped; I kept my dream in mind.

I have now been a professional trainer for over 25 years. I accomplished my dream and I followed my own path. I can tell you, a dream and a passion will get you anywhere.

Action Plan

What dream have you held on to from an early age? What are you doing to pursue it?
Think of one thing you can do TODAY to start making that dream a reality.
Shut out any negative talk from anyone (including yourself) telling you that you can’t too it or it’s too late.

Focus or Flurry – Is it Urgent?

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Focus Requires Urgent Action

All week the topic has been focus; the importance of focus and where you place your focus, the difference between being productive vs just being busy (focus or flurry), and I shared my personal story of how I am learning to focus my efforts in specific areas instead of trying to be all things to all people. I believe that personal growth is the first step in the process for everyone. Without recognizing that intentional personal growth is critical to your success, you leave “money on the table” in terms of how much more of your potential you can realize. You may even leave real money on the table by shorting yourself on growth. So, my focus will be on helping you grow and part of that is focusing on what you really want to achieve.

I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Being willing is not enough, we must do.

Leonardo Da Vinci

What is Urgent to You?

What are the achievements that have your focus right now? Do they feel urgent? If not, you may want to re-evaluate them or their importance. The problem for most of us is a lack of urgency driving us. There is always tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. As Brian Tracy and others put it, so many of us live on Someday Isle. We talk about our dreams and say, “Someday I’ll…..” We rationalize away with reasons we can’t start now. When the economy gets better, when I have a little bit more money, when the administration changes. It’s not the right time. The holidays are coming up and nobody cares about this stuff during the holidays. Wait until after the holidays and come January I will get started. Then it’s recovering from the holidays. Then it’s too cold. Then it’s spring break for the kids. Then it’s Spring and we should spend some time outdoors before it gets too hot. Wait until the kids get out of school. Well, the kids are out of school and underfoot all the time. Wait until they go back to school. Then school starts and things are hectic and the school football team is winning and we must go to the games and then the holidays are coming and….there we are all over again.

Urgent Demise

The Law of Diminishing Returns, while originally an economic concept, also applies here in a different way. The law says that the greater the time span between when you get an idea or come up with a dream and the when you take action on it, the less likely you are to ever do anything at all. In other words, the longer you wait exponentially increases the chances that you never will. The longer you wait, the more it becomes just a dream. It’s hold on you diminishes with each passing day. That alone should create a sense of urgency for you.

Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.

Jim Rohn

Urgent Action

So, how do we avoid this? Mel Robbins, author of Stop Saying You’re Fine, tells people to apply the five-second rule. No, the not the one having to do with food dropped on the floor. In this case, the five second rule mandates that you must take action on an idea within five seconds of having the idea.

It doesn’t have to be necessarily massive action.

In fact, most of the time it is simply writing down on paper the first step you have to take to move forward and then set a deadline date.

Just that simple action, executed within five seconds after conceiving the idea, greatly increases your chances of doing that first action.

Many say that are waiting for inspiration or until they “feel motivated”.

It will never happen. Motivator and Success Trainer Frank Tibolt says

We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration almost never generates action.

Decide to take action. Little bits add up as long as you keep it up. Start now. Make it urgent.

Action Plan

What is the one thing you have always wanted to do? What is one thing you can do right away to move closer to it?

Focus or Flurry – A Personal Lesson in Purpose

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Three Years of Focus AND Flurry

Almost three years ago I began this journey to have my own business. I felt it was my purpose to help others learn to become better leaders and better team members. I joined a program to be certified by John Maxwell (one of my mentors) as a leadership coach and become a Founding Partner of the John Maxwell Team of independent coaches. While I have seen some victories, it has not become the overnight, overwhelming success I imagined it to be. Which doesn’t mean it won’t be, just not necessarily on the timetable I originally envisioned.

It’s my own fault; every bit of it. Lack of real focus and a flurry of activity in multiple directions. Friends and family who mean well try to give me an out and mention that the economy is down, small businesses all over are struggling. It’s not your fault. But it is.

Not Giving Up

Let me be clear: I am not calling it quits. I still firmly believe I was meant to do this and will continue to try to do it until I am physically or mentally unable to. However, it’s important to recognize where you have failed and even more importantly, how you can learn from that failure. My two biggest failures have been lack of real focus and lack of strong purpose.

There have been other failures as well. Lack of a real solid plan for getting and keeping clients, lack of a comprehensive marketing plan, poor money management, etc. Passion sometimes blinds us to the realities of life. Just because I have something to say that can help others doesn’t necessarily mean they will beat down the door.

Choose Growth to Find Purpose and Focus

Reading John Maxwell’s latest book, Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn has helped me put this in perspective. I can mope and whine about my great failures or I can learn my lessons from it and move forward and do better.

I choose to learn and grow and get better. So my purpose of sharing all this with you today isn’t to bemoan my failures and give up; in fact, quite the opposite. I will grow stronger and become more effective and that will equip me even more to add value to you going forward.

So what are my lesson learned and what am I doing about it? Here’s a brief summary:

Enrolled in a marketing training program to become a better marketer of my services. I am using ActionPlan.com and highly recommend Robert Middleton as he makes this easy to understand and has excellent hands-on experiences.
Narrowing my focus and defining my purpose. There are thousands of leadership coaches out there. What can I do that is unique and provides value? After blogging every day now for over a month, I am finding myself focusing a great deal on personal growth qualities and most of my work going forward will focus on that.
Re-structuring of systems I use to acquire contacts and maintain communication with them

The biggest lesson which I really had to wrap my head around: IT IS OKAY TO FAIL AND EVEN TO FAIL REPEATEDLY as long as you learn. Thomas Edison while trying to invent the lightbulb failed almost 100o times before he achieved success. Someone asked him how it felt to fail so many times and Edison replied

I didn’t fail 999 times, I simply learned 999 ways to NOT make a lightbulb!

Let’s move forward together and look forward to our failures! Let’s learn and grow and succeed together!

Action Plan

Where you have failed big recently? What have your learned from it? Spend some time thinking on the lessons you could or should learn.
Who can you team up with to help you see perspective and gain accountability for growing? If you can’t think of anyone, call me at 321-355-2442.

One Thing – Why Being Busy Isn’t Necessarily Being Effective

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The Wisdom of Curly: One Thing

One of the scenes practically everyone remembers from the movie City Slickers is when Curly (played by Jack Palance) is talking with Mitch (played by Billy Crystal) about his view on life. The following conversation ensues:

Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is? [holds up index finger] This.

Mitch: Your finger?

Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean s***.

Mitch: But, what is the “one thing?”

Curly: [smiles] That’s what *you* have to find out.

Curly, the old cowhand, knew it while the radio executive had not yet figured it out.

[SPOILER ALERT] Eventually he does.

Busy Lives without that One Thing

What’s your schedule like? Is it filled with focus or filled with events? We book our calendar with things to do and it is typically a wide variety of things. We may support a variety of non-profit organizations, take the kids here and there to piano lessons, dance class, Scout meetings, football or baseball practice, soccer, lacrosse. We have committee meetings at church, the house needs straightening up, we have meetings in the office, a lunch appointment, gotta fix dinner, gotta check our Facebook page, gotta scan the news, attend a webinar we heard was good. Somewhere in there we may decide to say hello to our Significant Other and then watch a little (or a lot) of TV. What’s our One Thing?

We are busy, but are we really getting where we want to go? Are we getting the most out of the moment? Are we learning to focus our energy?

One Thing We Are Gifted For

The urgent message behind the Wisdom of Curly is that ONE THING. To be truly effective, to utilize more of our potential, we must focus on the one thing that truly fills us. It is the thing we were created for. We were particularly and UNIQUELY gifted for this one thing and somewhere deep inside of us is a passion for the one thing. The two must coincide; you cannot be gifted for something without having a passion for it. It may have been suppressed or even trained out of you by your environment, but deep inside you is that passion for that ONE THING!

If you really want to get the most out of your life, you must draw more focus onto that ONE THING. If you know what it is, you must devote more resources to developing it and exploiting it (exploiting in this case is a good thing). If you don’t know what it is, you need to spend time searching and finding it.

“What?!” you say, “find time for SOMETHING ELSE to do? I just don’t have any more time!”

You don’t have to time to NOT do it! Anything else, if you are not leveraging your ONE THING, is wasted effort.

Focus Not Flurry

The secret, I believe, is in Focus and Not Flurry. Stop being caught up in a never-ending flurry of activity and start being concentrated on establishing or optimizing that ONE THING. Now, some busy things in life are unavoidable; shopping still needs to get done, meals still need to be cooked, some meetings are inevitable, charities still need our help (although this could use focus too), and the kids still need to go places. But the last two are good examples of flurry instead of focus. I see many people get involved in a wide variety of charitable activities, dabbling here and there but never really digging in to one. Pick ONE, maybe two at the most, and focus your energy on serving them as best you can.

Additionally, in our earnest ambition to give our kids the best opportunity to succeed, we overbook them in an expanse of activities that we end up investing a lot of time and money into and become a shuttle for moving them around from place to place. And so, we ingrain in them also the mindset of FLURRY instead of FOCUS. They become a jack of all trades and we wonder why they don’t settle down and DO SOMETHING as they get older. They have had no time to develop a real passion for anything before we moved them on to the next conquest. They need exactly what we need: FOCUS NOT FLURRY.

They need that ONE THING.

You need that ONE THING.

Go get it!

Action Plan

Do you know what your ONE THING is? If not, start today to identify it. Seek help from a coach. They can help you identify strengths and passions that may be hidden.
If you know your ONE THING, decide on something you will do daily to work on it.